Not sure what this is yet

2010-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Well good morning.
It would seem that what I thought was a whim induced by a sleep deprived mind last night was actual something that I wanted to do, seeing as I am back on this site again this morning.
I have no idea what this will turn into for me but at this moment I am going to use it a vehicle to allow my stream of thought flow on.
Coffee, what the elixir of life, gift from the gods, the eye opening, yawn stopping, blood pumping liquid of black gold!!! How would I ever get out of bed without this magical potion of awake in a cup. Yes I know that I drink too much of the stuff but I am addicted to it and as with any drug I need more and more to benefit from it.
My brain, as usual, is going a thousand miles an hour. Its hard to think about any one thing when everything is going through your head at once. I wish I could just get one thing to play in my head at a time. Maybe things would be easier to deal with. Maybe not.
Funny, this kinda thing use to come so easy to me. I could write all day long and have no issues. Things use to flow out of me and on the paper. Words would come faster than I could write. No self continuousness, no pause for thought, no censoring myself. Now its kinda weird. I feel exposed as I do this. I feel mentally naked for anyone to examine and see all of my faults. Fear of being inferior creeps into my heart.
Why, I am no better or worse than anyone else, am I? Is it me, have I changed that much over the years that I have lost what I was and now am this self-conscious person? Or is it the world? Has it changed so much that we now are afraid of sharing ourselves with each other?
I use to feel that what I thought or felt was something that, if I expressed, would be met with a positive reaction of some kind, depending on what it was I was expressing. Perhaps with helpful advice, jovial teasing, genuine smiles, or thought provoking discussion for example.
Now it seems different. I don't feel that this self expression will yield the same reactions. Its as if people will now be using my thoughts and feeling to judge me, to put me down in order to fuel their own illusions of superiority and intelligence, to criticize without construction...
I makes me wonder why am I doing this... Not that I even know what this is yet...

Testing this out

2010-11-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

So this is my first attempt at blogging and at the moment I have no idea what to say although I have a ton of things in my head.
I guess this is just for me to jot down whatever I want to as they come to me.
I am wondering if this something that I will keep up with or if it is just a whim that I have gotten into during the late hours of the night while I combat the insomnia that has taken over my mind and body. A new way to make myself tired while all my Facebook friends are asleep and are not there to keep me company and my trusty Nick at Night is not making my eyelids feel heavy as it normally does.
So much to say but a sluggish, sleep deprived brain tonight. I fear that what may come out will be something I will later look at an wonder.. What the heck is wrong with you girl!!!!!
For now I will close this and maybe I will focus on this in my head now. Perhaps this will allow me to focus my thoughts to just this little blog and be able to drift off to sleep dreaming of what may be written to no-one.

Just my thoughts

Not sure what this is yet

Testing this out